April 14, 2022

 Yesterday evening, I took a hot bath. When I got out of the tub, I noticed 3 small bruises on my left thigh. I know I didn't hit anything. Before, I was concerned that moving here in the middle of a tectonic plate affected my blood flow being bombarded by trapped energy from distant large earthquakes from all over the world. Then I realized all the stress from living in California for 8 years as the boundary there hardly moved. When I was living there, the strain energy got so intense that it was hard for me to imagine it remaining that way for another 10 years, let alone 20 years. I get haunted by this dark side of me that came out that still frightens me to this very day. I had dark thoughts at the worst of those times, but never actually thought about hurting anyone or anything. I just recall how angry I would get. I had horrific outbursts whenever I was by myself. I broke objects. I would thrash and bite myself. I was shocked at myself. I was ashamed but could not seem to stop. They were unpredictable and often happened for no reason at all. It would suddenly hit me and it was overwhelming and I twitched and convulsed at times. After I came here, I never had that problem again. Sure I have gotten quite angry at times, but I never had anything like I did back out west. I made two trips out here during the years of me living in CA. I noticed that I was a lot calmer during both trips. Regarding concerns over possible circulatory/vascular issues, it could be this as a whole. I imagined connecting to all these sources of energy deep in the earth all over the world can be overwhelming and taxing on my little body. At first I was scared I had Deep Vein Thrombosis with the severe calf pain, but it shouldn't develop that fast. I couldn't rule out the possibility of the early onset of varicose veins - the bruising, the pain and heaviness I feel in my legs about everyday. My veins are generally visible because I tend to have pale, translucent skin, but they seem a little darker, but not bulging out in my legs. My feet, however are where they look a bit gnarly. I even see thin little reddish capillaries near the surface of my skin. I doubt there is anything very serious going on yet. As long as I don't stay in the same area for more than 2 years and move around enough in the meantime, I should not worry too much yet.