April 30, 2021: A Summary

 I know that I have been confused and frustrated since arriving in this new place. I was trying to understand why this has happened. Before all this, I was feeling like I was finally getting closer to the day of finding out what would happen when a big earthquake were to strike up close. I was making these new discoveries and it was exciting. Then all of a sudden, it was ripped away from me and I found myself on my hands and knees gathering the broken pieces, trying to fix them back in another form that still has not made sense. I have been pondering that it may have not been so good if I had stayed in California. I may not be missing out on much. Chances are, I could be in the same position 2 years later and still have not experienced anything I have not already experienced before. In the long run, just occasional mag. 4s and perhaps a 5 from miles and miles away once out of the year would not be enough. I would be burning up with that energy from the tectonic plate boundary, making my hormones drive me insane. I remember how I was. Working a job 5 days a week sort of helped with my anger issues. I had less frequent outbursts because I was not stuck up on that mountain for 2-3 weeks straight and kept myself busy. L.A. and all those fun places we would go to for outings in the early days of living there are not the same anymore. I have grieved and missed that profoundly, but I'm told I'm not missing out on anything over there. I noticed that over here, I'm a little calmer, although I have been struggling since I did not want to move and being around family can be stressful for me. Otherwise, I have so far not been experiencing as much pain during menstruation and am less aggressive. Lately, I would feel frustrated and wonder what the point of me being out here was if there would hardly ever be any earthquakes and I cannot fit in with anyone here. I'm at least hoping that there is nothing going on back in Southern California any time soon other than the mag. 3s and 4s every now and then. I track activity from around the world more distinctly here it seems. I'm still in touch with what is going on back in my former residence. Sometimes I'm concerned that this move may have been dangerous. I have been suspecting I could have some vascular issues going on after suddenly being uprooted from a place I have lived in for 8 years and had a strong connection there. I have felt excruciating leg pain and problems with my feet. The foot issue was more of a problem during the first few weeks here. I am feeling what feels like a bruise in my upper arm, but don't see any discoloration and don't recall injuring myself there. I have also felt light-headed and dizzy with some headaches. I see this as a better opportunity for travel where travelling would help ease the stress.