June 19, 2023

 The cyst has not gone away. It feels like it got larger again. There has been a lot of significant activity in the world over the last few days. It is still active out there so far. This latest ovarian cyst has been a stubborn one. I have never had one last this long before. The last ones I had would become enlarged and eventually rupture 2 or 3 weeks later. This is the largest one I have ever had so far. It feels like about the size of a baseball or possibly a little larger. I realized that I feel vibrations I put out as I tap onto a surface. I discovered this about 2 years ago. I have used it to check if a watermelon was overripe(the bigger the wavelength, the softer the meat inside). I have used it on my cyst. I can feel the fluid inside vibrate as I lightly tap my lower tummy on that side. I don't feel it so much on the left side. It is like an overripe melon where there is no firm tight structure like a sac of fluid on that side. As I tap on my cyst, I can even feel my whole body vibrate a little. This is helpful as I can locate where it is and figure out how large it is. It is very tender and hurts if I try to squeeze it or poke at it too much or vigorously. It even feels like it may be larger than my uterus. I was wondering why this one is so stubborn. I was assuming that it might be actually inside of my ovary rather than on it where the membrane would be thinner and more prone to break open. However, it doesn't feel that firm. It feels like a water balloon inside me. I have to be careful over these next few days, especially around ovulation. I'm afraid that would trigger it to pop. It is also relieving to feel fluid instead of mass. Otherwise, I have felt some pain from it today. I also have been feeling full quicker after eating and have not had much of an appetite due to the thing taking up space in my insides. I have been so tired.

June 7, 2023

 I believe that I might have PMDD(Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or severe PMS). Some months are not as bad as others. Symptoms typically occur during the week leading up to period or sometimes, I start to feel a decline in mood at the start of my luteal phase - more than a week before my period. I'm thinking this ovarian cyst I have been struggling with may have exacerbated it. I have been depressed and confused lately. I have been lethargic and sore and I just feel like I cannot keep up. I feel flashes of extreme irritability, but what I have been feeling the most was depression, brain fog, and fatigue. I have been feeling like a mess lately and I can't make up my mind on anything. I've been flighty and picky, and it is very distressing. It seems like I have a host of serious problems related to my cycle. It sucks because it is making me feel and look incompetent, especially as a woman. Otherwise, it is very overwhelming and frustrating and difficult to live with.

June 6, 2023

 I'm waiting to start my period any time now and I have been rather depressed. I don't think my ovarian cyst is shrinking at all. It is a stubborn one this time. Usually, they burst by that size except this feels like the biggest one I ever had so far. There has not been much going on in the world in terms of significant seismic activity lately. I knew it was due for a break. I have hardly had any energy and I am struggling to focus. I have been able to do a lot of work around the house, but mentally, I feel drained. I cannot wait until this week is over. At this point, I just feel like laying down and taking a nap which is something I would never do during the day.